TURNING HEARTBREAK INTO PURPOSE

By Rich Myhre

By Washington Huskies

February 21^st, 2018

For the first two years, Kelli Kingma’s University of Washington experience was very much a dream come true. Not only was she getting an elite education, she was also part of an elite women’s basketball team that made consecutive trips to the NCAA Tournament, including the 2015-16 Final Four.

And with two seasons still to come, Kingma had every reason to expect more great memories in an already special college career.

But as much as we all hope for happy endings, life sometimes has other ideas. Beginning in the fall of 2016, and in the space of barely nine months, Kingma had two significant wrist injuries, both requiring surgery. The first ended her 2016-17 season. The second ended her basketball career altogether.

Having to step away from the game she loves was, Kingma admits, difficult and unsettling. At the outset, she said, “I can’t say I had a good perspective on it at all. For a couple of weeks it was really, really hard. It was like this big part of me had been completely ripped out.”

As we often learn from sports _ and in life, for that matter _ no one ever escapes disappointment and hardship. Occasional adversity is a given, even for top athletes, and what counts is finding strength from family, friends and faith as a means to endure and overcome.

For Kingma, this turned out to be the best lesson of all.

Despite being told by doctors that she should give up basketball, Kingma still wanted to make an impact in her senior season, even if she never played a minute. Encouraged by her coaches, she took on a leadership role for Washington’s Honorary Captains program, which reaches out to children with disabilities and life-threatening illnesses. The youngsters join the team in the locker room before and after the game, and during the game they sit on the bench and cheer their Husky heroes from up close.

It is an uplifting experience for the kids and their families, but no less meaningful for the UW players and coaches, who sometimes visit schools, hospitals and other places where they can brighten the day for a sick or special-needs child.

For Kingma herself, the work has been “the biggest blessing in disguise this season. Without this, I don’t know how I would’ve got through this year. I’m sure I would’ve had a pretty selfish mindset. I’d just be sitting there and thinking, ‘Poor me.’

“But it’s been the most fulfilling experience I ever could’ve had,” she said. “It’s allowed me to find a real purpose through all this.”

When athletes have to retire for medical reasons, “they sometimes have a hard time figuring out what’s next,” UW coach Jody Wynn said. “When their sport is taken away, a lot of times they’re like, ‘OK, what do I do now?’ But Kelli’s always had a heart for special-needs kids and she just said, ‘I’m going to connect those kids with us and connect us with them. I’m going to make it my duty to bring them to all the different sporting events and to try to get as many student-athletes from the University of Washington out to their schools and communities.’

“It’s not only been a great opportunity for those kids to come and be a part of our game-day experience, but it’s a truly remarkable experience for our student-athletes to meet those kids and to learn their stories. It’s a two-way street as far as positive effects go.”

“Every time we play at home, we have an Honorary Captain,” said UW senior guard Jenna Moser. “It’s somebody new every time. Their whole family is there, and it’s so special for them to have this experience. You can just see it on their faces. From their smiles, you can tell they’re having so much fun.”

Kingma, a 2014 graduate of Mill Creek’s Jackson High School, grew up in a remarkably close and athletically gifted family. Father Gregg played basketball and mother Gail ran cross country and track at Seattle Pacific University (both 1979-80 to 1982-83). Older sister Kristi played basketball at Washington (2008-09 to 2012-13), and finished as the No. 16 scorer in school history; she still holds the Pacific-12 Conference record for most 3-pointers (11) in one game. Older brother Brett is a senior on the Western Washington University basketball team. Brother Dan, Kelli’s twin, is a senior on the UW basketball team. And younger sister Brooke, a junior, runs cross country and track at Lipscomb University in Nashville, Tenn.

Kelli Kingma actually committed to then-UW coach Kevin McGuff back in December of 2011, her sophomore season of high school. When McGuff left two years later to become the head coach at Ohio State University, UW assistant Mike Neighbors was promoted to head coach and he reaffirmed Kingma’s scholarship offer.

“I know it’s kind of cliché to say, but I grew up bleeding purple and gold,” Kingma said. “(Kristi) was my idol, and she’d played here and had so much success. And my family was always the biggest Husky fans. So there was just no question that I wanted to play here.”

She arrived in the fall of 2014 to join a program that was on a decided upswing. Led by All-America guard Kelsey Plum, who would later set the all-time NCAA record for career scoring (3,527 points), the Huskies reached the NCAA Tournament in Kingma’s first season and then did it again in 2015-16, this time advancing to the Final Four in Indianapolis.

Playing basketball at Washington “has been beyond my wildest dreams,” Kingma said. “Just being here would’ve been enough for me. But then we made the NCAA Tournament my freshman year, and that was a dream come true. Then the next year we made the Tournament again and got to the Final Four. … Going to the Final Four was the most unreal experience of our entire lives. It was so much more than I ever could’ve asked for.”

And there was no reason to think it would end. The Huskies were again loaded with talent in 2016-17, and Kingma was hoping for more memorable outcomes, both for herself and for her team.

But in November of 2016, in an early-season home game against Colorado State, Kingma collided with another player and broke a bone in her right hand. She missed several weeks and then tried to return, but had considerable pain in her wrist. An examination found a large cyst and a detached ligament, and she had to miss the rest of the season, followed by surgery in April.

Afterward, doctors told Kingma that her right hand _ her shooting hand _ might not heal in time for her senior year, and indeed might never be as good as before.

Shaken, but still determined not to miss her last season, Kingma decided to play mostly left-handed. It would mean losing much of her offensive prowess, but she could still hustle, play good defense and, as always, be an inspiring teammate.

“I understood that I’d probably never be the player I would’ve been without the injuries, but I still wanted to be out there,” she said. “And if it meant that I never saw the floor (in games), but that I’d get to practice and be an encouragement, that was fine. However I could best serve and be a part of the team, that’s what I wanted to do.”

Alas, there was more bad news that summer. Kingma began having pain in her left wrist, and an exam revealed another cyst. She had a second surgery in August, and the follow-up prognosis was grim, at least in terms of her playing career.

“The doctor said, ‘If you ever want to pick up your kids (in the future) and if you ever want to do normal activities, there’s no way we can tell you that playing basketball is a good idea,’” Kingma said. At the time, she went on, “it seemed like the biggest heartbreak in the world. The idea of having to medically retire had been kind of looming over me because of (the surgery on) my right hand. But then having the decision made for me (after the second surgery) was a huge shock.”

The good news, Kingma added, is that she can still expect “a pretty normal life. But if I kept playing basketball, the possibility of serious, permanent damage from falling again or having one more injury and one more surgery on my wrists, that (risk) was way too high.”

Most sports injuries are not life-threatening, of course, so the physical and emotional trauma requires a certain perspective. Nonetheless, there is a grieving process for a career-ending injury that is both real and profound.

As her teammates began preparing for the 2017-18 season, Kingma occasionally had dark moments. “I missed basketball so much,” she said. “And I’d ask, ‘Why am I going through this? Why is this happening to me?’ I’d put in the time, I’d been patient, I’d stuck with the program all these years, and it felt like it was my turn to come out and have a good senior year.”

When she showed up for the first practice last fall, “I started crying and had to leave the locker room because I didn’t want anyone to see me.”

By this time, Neighbors had left to become the head coach at the University of Arkansas. He was replaced by Wynn, who early on confirmed that Kingma would keep her scholarship and be welcome at all team activities, including practices and games.

“From the day we met Kelli, we knew we wanted her to stay a part of the program and to be a leader off the court,” Wynn said. “Why wouldn’t we want to keep her around? She’s a tremendous student, she’s a great teammate, and the girls all love Kelli. She’s just a tremendous young woman and a big part of the history of this program.”

Kingma is “a special kind of teammate,” agreed UW senior guard Mackenzie Wieburg. “She’s so selfless and supportive 100 percent of the time. She’s there at practice, she’s there at games, and she’s there if you need somebody to talk to. She’s absolutely amazing.”

As a teammate, Kingma gets high marks “because she laughs at my jokes,” Moser said playfully. But Kingma also “has a kindness that people are drawn to,” Moser added. “When she smiles, everybody is just like, ‘Oh, yeah. Kelli is in the room.’ … Those are the two things you really should know about Kelli. Just how kind she is and how bright she smiles.”

That same cheery nature not only helped pull Kingma through her discouragement, it also gave her the resolve to find a new niche, which turned out to be the Honorary Captains program.

“I’m a strong believer that things happen for a reason,” she explained. Being sidelined by injuries in her senior season “has opened doors for me to so many new relationships and to such a new perspective. From the beginning, it was the idea that I could use this as an opportunity. Because just saying ‘Why me?’ wasn’t going to help anyone.”

The children chosen to be Honorary Captains are part of organizations like Special Olympics, which provides sports opportunities for kids with disabilities, and the Austen Everett Foundation, which connects cancer-stricken youngsters with pro and college sports teams.

These children “are going through problems that are so much bigger than mine,” Kingma said. “One kid had just got out of chemo (therapy) and he was throwing up before they came to the game. But he was rallying because he wanted to be there so much.”

It is, she said, “such a great perspective, and not only for me but for my teammates, to see kids like that who have so much joy and are so happy to be there.”

But to understand the true impact of the Honorary Captains program, it helps to talk with the parents of these precious youngsters. Like Nicole Watters of West Seattle, the mother of 6-year-old Lucy Watters, who was diagnosed with cancer in 2014. This plucky girl, who has had two bone-marrow transplants and two relapses, but “is still fighting,” according to her mother, was an Honorary Captain for the Feb. 11 game against Oregon State.

When the family arrived at Alaska Airlines Arena, “(Lucy) was pretty timid at first,” Nicole Watters said. “But Kelli met us outside and she worked to bond with Lucy right away. And she was great at it. She made Lucy feel really special. Lucy didn’t want to go out on the court with the (players) unless Kelli went with her.”

During the game, Lucy “had a pompom in her hand. She was really excited about cheering. And she was so happy. She was smiling the whole time.”

Tracy Brown of Seattle had a similar experience with her 13-year-old son Maxford Brown, who has Down Syndrome. He was an Honorary Captain for a Jan. 28 game against USC.

“The team didn’t just say hello (in passing),” Tracy Brown said. “They actually came over and wanted to know everybody’s name (in the family). They were really welcoming. And then Maxford got to run out with Jenna (Moser) and stand with the team during the national anthem. … It brought tears to my eyes. It was very moving.”

During the game, she added, “he kept turning around on the bench and smiling up at (his family in the stands).”

As for Kingma, who coordinated everything, “she’s amazing,” Brown said. “She just has a gift of coming alongside (the kids), supporting them and helping them to have a great experience.”

Nicole Watters agrees. “Kelli is a remarkable young lady,” she said.

Experiences like this have helped Kingma make sense of a personal setback that for many months made no sense at all.

“I wouldn’t change this year for a second even if I could,” she said, “which is crazy to think because I’d give anything to play basketball again. But through (the Honorary Captains program) I’ve learned a lot of patience, trust and humility, and I think it’s made me a much better person.”

Kingma will graduate in the spring with a degree in finance, and she has already begun the process of applying and interviewing for jobs. A year from now she hopes to be in the business world, and ideally in a career that combines her passion for working with both people and numbers.